Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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