Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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