Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
