Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
