Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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