It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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