Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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