You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
