Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
