Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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