im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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