my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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