my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
