i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
