My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
