I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world