how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?