Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
