he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
