I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
