I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
