i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
