Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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