His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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