Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
