He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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