never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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