Pappa wants mamma naked
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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