Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
