she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
