I'm so fucking centered right now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
