i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
