Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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