somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
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was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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