I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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