Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
