Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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