I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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