Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
