Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
