Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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