Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am spending my child support on dildos
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
