If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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