I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i need some magic done to my vagina
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
