I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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