It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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