I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
