Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
