Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
