also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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