the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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