I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
