Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
