If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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