Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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