I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
