Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
