he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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