Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
