I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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