Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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