end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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