If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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