I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize