My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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